Yesterday, I reviewed an email sent by one of my client to a Director.
Here is how the email ends up:
“Je vous envoie par la même occasion une invitation LinkedIn, de sorte à faire progresser mon réseau professionnel local”
“I’m sending you a LinkedIn invite to increase my professional network“.
So what is wrong here?
Can you guess?
Most of you probably got it.
This is where the error is:
“to increase MY professional network”
Let me break it down.
The message is:
“please do something [accept LinkedIn invite] that add value for me [increase MY network]”
But what’s in it for them?
What value are you giving?
People do things that benefit them.
So don’t ask: give.
Highlight what they get from doing something for you.
Sometime it’s hard because you don’t have anything to give.
Then keep it at least neutral.
Here is how we could transform it, the second one being slightly more positive.
“Let’s connect on LinkedIn to keep in touch easily”
“Let’s connect on LinkedIn so I can keep you updated on what happens”
(the latter is slightly positive because your story is a form of entertainment / pride for them if they help you)
If you want more, I created an exclusive guide on how to reach anyone in Australia, with dozens of templates & examples. Contact me for more information.